Tuesday, September 4, 2012

One of those days

A while back I had one of those days.  One of those days were drama surrounds you no matter where you try to hide.  A day when the spouse was never satisfied and seemed to keep picking fights, A day when family members kept pushing emotional buttons that made me want to go off. A day when one kid drew on the fish tank with markers and crayons and the other left markers on the couch that leaked. You know....one of those days.
I had ran the husband and children off on an errand so I could finish working in candles without having the urge to stick a wick in them and set them on fire.  I knew without a doubt that I needed to pray.  Yup, just out of nowhere I knew I needed to pray. I knew a phonecall was coming any time, over a situation that was merely created with someone else's emotions and imagination running wild. I had expected it a few hours earlier, but any time now it would ring, and if I didn't pray...oh goodness. Without talking with God first, I would end up cursing and ruining a close bond I would never be able to fully rekindle, plus it would've taken forever and used up tons of Verizon minutes.  So I took a deep breath, turned on my Air 1 app, and I started my prayer aloud, "Help me, Lord. I know I....".  I stopped.  Before I could even finish, or start for that matter "IT" came on.  THE song.  THE song I've always resorted to when this type of issue ate at me..."Losing."  
That's all it took to break down this hardened heart and make me apologize for getting so flustered and nearly resorting to 'mine enemies' level.  I, as if off a dramatic movie, fell like a child to my knees in my dirty kitchen floor.  Pieces of the song floating in my ear as God held me "It's wearing out my heart, the way they disregard. This is love, This is hate.  We all have a choice to make."  My heart has been growing so tired, so so tired.  So tired of worrying and hurting over those who are supposed to love us the most.  I love them, but hate what they had done to my spirit.  
As the song continued so did the tears and the prayers. I figured the phone would be ringing any minute, but I didn't care. God wasn't finished yet. God was easing my heart, lifting that awful hatred off of me, and it was as simple as that. As weird as it sound, as I was talking to God I found myself laughing.  Laughing because after all these months of finding my way to deal with this "situation" I had let ONE tiny little thing set me off!  I was thanking God, still on my knees, wiping the snot and tears away with my candles scented shirt, and said aloud, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhew. Better.  Now what?"  And honest to God, no joke, the lyrics (now from another song spoke immediately after I finished, "I dare you to move. I dare you to pick yourself up off of the floor.  I dare you to move, like today never happened before."
His message was clear. I had a choice to make, do I resort to hate?  Thinking that would change their hearts?  That "hate" coming from me would make them realize their faults? Nope. Not at all, so I had to chose the love route and let God work on them, work on me, and give me the Grace to forgive them and wisdom to chose the right path.  And with that message had been delivered and I asked, "Now what?", he came with another message.  To simply get up off the floor, continue on with my day and my life like this "hate" episode of mine never happened.  We've all had "One of those days" and God was nudging me to go on.
I stood up, dusted my legs off, moved my hair from my eyes, and just like that...the phone rang.

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