A dose of 'Get Lost' for breakfast

No amount of medication, wine, therapy, or yoga could contain my emotions at this time of day.  And by emotions, I mean anger and frustration.  Why am I writing about anger so early in the morning? Well, for one, as my momma would say, "You should've went to church yesterday." Two, I don't like mornings. No one really likes mornings, except for the fact that you didn't die in your sleep.

What do you do when you hear the words "Mom! Watch!", "Mom c'mere", "Mom! Guess what?!" nearly a hundred times before 10:00am?! Well, if you're a good (or gullible) mom you watch, you c'mere, and you guess.  So is it too much to ask from the little offspring to not bite, kick, punch holes in the wall, rip diapers in two as if they're Hulk Hogan, all before the sun can even shine thru the fog? Why yes it is. Shame on me for telling you "No. You can't stick a Qtip in the cat's butthole."  "No, you can't eat the soggy dogfood on the porch."  "No, you can't ride with your dad on the lawn mower even though there's water standing in the yard, and it's Labor Day, and it's 8:00am in the morning, and any other time I'd have to bribe him to do so."

I don't like mornings.  In all honestly and fairness, I really don't like mid mornings or any other time frame prior to the p.m. mark. Coffee merely boosts your energy just enough to give you the strength to yell at the things around you that have obviously schemed all night on how to piss you off the next day. Maybe it is just me, but mornings make me mean.  I can bold faced look into my husband's eyes and without hesitation or any emotion say, "You know what? I don't like you.  You get on my nerves, and you will continue to do so until 12:00pm. Come back and ask me where the key to the garage is then, and I might tell you."

They make a morning-after pill, they need to make a night-before pill that keeps the next morning-anger from impregnating me.  I've tried coffee.  I've tried exercising (which only irritates me more seeing my flab jiggle that early in the day and sweating and smelling like I've done something productive when I have merely burnt 1/2 the calories from the latte I drunk to give me the energy to exercise anyways). I've tried prayer, which actually does work...for a while, but then I think sometimes even God kicks back and watches the show.

I've been this way all my life.  There's videos with me in my Popples night gown with a tooth missing and my fro in full force, and my mom has the nerve to ask, "What's wrong flawsy mae? You got the mully grubs?" with a camera sticking in my face, followed by my dad doing the most annoying whistle that to this day makes me cringe as he laughs and says, "Wake up little rose bud...wake uuuUUUUUUUpppp".  Why taunt me?! I was a kid!  And now I'm scarred and bitter for hours EVERY day all because my parents bullied me in the mornings as a child. Yup. That's what I'm going with.