Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Random Shit My Son Says

Setting: Checkout line in Food City

Lady at Register: "You're total is....uhm..."   ::turns monitor towards me::.

Me:  ::getting the debit card::

Landon:  ::looking up at monitor. gasps.::  Yells   "OH MY WOW MOM! Are you SERIOUS?! We spent over $300 on FOOD?!"

::everyone looking and laughing::

Me:  ::chuckling::  "Yeah, I forgot you're in Kindergarten and can read prices."

Landon:  ::folding his arms and 'mean mugs' me::  Calmly says  "Mom.....when I wanted one of those Ipoddies I thought you said we were poor?"

15 minutes of Faceplants

1. I'm gathering trash from my bathroom and Cutie Pie (my indoor cat) flies into my garden tub, back out under my legs, leaps in the air atop my bed, and faceplants straight thru my window screen out into the front yard.

2. Rylan, my 10 month old, was sitting in the floor watching music videos. Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" comes on. He's swaying back and forth laughing. Then suddenly stops, and slowly, I'm talking slow motion, leans over and faceplants HARD into the keyboard. Screams for 10 minutes straight.

3. I go to take the 1st bite out of my pecan pie. I somehow managed to spoon it out a little too hard and it goes plunging and faceplants on the floor.

4. I clean up the mess and gather 3 trashbags and carry them out to put in the back of the truck. Walking out my river walk sidewalk making sure I don't fall and along comes Tucker Max, my outdoor cat, who trips me causing me to blow out "another" flip flop and go down hard, faceplanting into my own garbage. Faceplant so hard, an empty Gain detergent bottle ripped my earring out of my ear and the garbage rips spilling paper towels and condom wrappers into the wind.

And that was my 15 minutes of faceplants.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Happiness to me is....

....the feeling I get when...


Tiny little arms that I created wrap around my neck.
I'm watching the raindrops run down my window imagining they're racing.
I buy a new candle.
He talks in his sleep and says my name.
I lay my head on a freezing cold pillow.
I dance with my broom.
Not having to worry or doubt a feeling.
I hear my 6 year old begin with "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep..."
I climb into a bubble bath.
I hear the frogs chirping at my pond.
My fingers touch the ivory keys of my childhood piano.
I watch old couples laugh.
Someone holds the door open.
Contentment is more than ok for me.
I stop singing and my little boy is still smiling.
I talk about all the ideas I have, knowing I'll never do them, still feels great.
I go wading in the creek.
I smell Gain dryer sheets.
I belt out The Little Mermaid soundtracks as I clean.
God forgives me.
I watch Glee.
I get a new hair color.
We share a glass of wine.
I sniff my kids' hair after a bath.
See the lightning bugs throughout the fields.
I hear a thunderstorm blowing in.
Find money in my pocket.
Go from my real age to a teenager with my best friend when we rock out with local bands.
I fall asleep watching the Goonies.
I know my family has been saved by the Grace of God.
My face fits perfectly in the palm of his hand.
I make someone smile.
I drink a Yoohoo.
I hear older songs that I love like "One of Us", "Chains", "Paint it Black", & "Gypsies, Tramps, & Thieves".
Friends tell me everything is going to be ok.
I think about where I once was, and where I am now.


Happiness to me is the feeling I get when...I forget about all of the "bad" in the world and in my life, and look at all the "good" that I have and CAN have. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

Random Shit My Son Says

Landon: “Mom what are you fixin’ for supper?”  
Me: “Hamburger steak.”  
Landon:  “Awesome! Can you fix some of those fancy taters too?”  
Me:  “Huh?”  
Landon: “You know those fancy taters we get at restaurants.  The ones with the hole in the top so we can put butter in it.”  
Me: “Baked potatoes Landon?”  
Landon: “Yeah!!  Those!”

Random Shit My Son Says

Landon: “Mom, what’s wrong with your hair?!”  
Me:  “Electricity.”  
Landon: “You mean the power is out so you can’t fix it?”  
Me:  “No. I mean static electricity.”  
Landon:  ::stares at me:: “Well, I wouldn’t use skatic tricity anymore mom.”

Random Shit My Son Says

Landon: What's this? (holding a tampon)
Me: Uhm, it's a female thing, put it back. 
Landon: Well, what do you do with it? 
Me: It's not nice to talk about, it's a private matter. 
Landon: So you mean it goes in your private part? 
Me: Landon! I said it's not nice to talk about! 
Landon: Do I have to use it when I get older because unless something grows A LOT it's not gonna fit. 
Me: ::sigh:: Landon, just drop it. 
Landon: ::drops it and walks away:: Mom....you're weird.

Random Shit My Son Says

Me: ""I swear Landon, what in the cuss is your problem?! Why can't you pay attention to ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING I say?!" 
Landon: ::thinking:: "Well mom it's like this. I'm a ninja, and that's what ninja's do. I don't have time to focus on you. I have to think about my fighting skills. You know why? Because ninja's are super fast like this." ::runs butt naked to his room::